Follow the Child

So Daniel is bright. Very bright (although if you ask me, he's not genius bright, just sort of your average soda fountain bright). Yah. So what. He is what he is. So is every child, every person, what he or she is. We should celebrate, honor and respect each person and their talents, whatever they are.

But because Daniel is so very bright we get a fair few comments about how we must have MADE him like this (with the implication that we are some sort of crazed hothouse baby-improving parents. This was especially true when he was not quite two and reading people's t-shirts at the playground.) Um, no (except that the current genetic thinking is that children get their brains from their mother - thankyousoverymuch). The evidence suggests that you can't do much to make your child brighter. We never had a Baby Einstien tape in the house, nor did we play Mozart to him in the womb, show him geometric shapes when he was breastfeeding or try and up his Omega-3 intake. In fact, I rather wish I'd had a few drinks when I was pregnant since I think he could do with being a little less bright. Children, far more than my pre-parenthood-nurture-over-nature self wants to accept, spring from the womb with a whole lot of who they are right there, ready to go.

Other comments tend towards how we need him tested, or to place him in some special program, or to send him to college early. What we're doing, what we've done and what we will carry on doing is following him. We are not about to start sending him to college courses, calculus camp or NASA. We are not enrolling him or us in gifted child programs, psychological studies or immersion language labs. The evidence is that children who are pushed to perform do not end up happy or successful. Why would you want your child to achieve but be unhappy?

Follow the child. This encapsulates much of how I try to parent. Be ready for when the child is ready to read, but don't force it. Be ready for when the child is ready to walk, but don't push her. Be ready for the questions that will come up, but don't plant them early. Don't think -- my child must do this by such a date. Children, like adults, do things in their own time. When Daniel was two, he couldn't safely go up or down the stairs, but could read. His friend was at skateboard camp when he was five, but couldn't read. Two children, following their talents. They'll even out someday. Daniel can cope with stairs. His friend will learn to read.

Follow the child. Don't lead him around by the nose.